Good Dreams, Pure Desires, Righteous Hopes

A storm came, our house fell.

Hopes and dreams buried so fast beneath hurtful truths found out rather than told…

You think you are grieving what was lost but in reality you are just trying to find a better way than anger to deal with the heartbreak.

A visit, a trigger, and the stones begin to turn over, revealing the forgotten dreams, the buried hopes…

NOW the grieving has begun. Those dreams, hopes and desires are still alive under the wreckage of their improper burial. They wait. To be found. To be buried again, only this time with your consent and the honor due them…for they were good dreams, pure desires and righteous hopes…they deserve it.

So I dig…
Passed the rubble of anger and rage
Through the wreckage of hurt and heartbreak
Beneath the twisted debris of lies and half-truths
To find the dreams and hopes that belonged to ME!

I fight to free them from what I have let them become. They were worth fighting for, even if you didn’t think so. I CHOSE them, even if you didn’t.

I dig until my fingers bleed to loosen the grip of loss that clings to my hopes, hopes I gave my ALL to.

And though I toil only to bring them to another grave, it is worth all the effort. I know it is because He aides my quarry and strengthens my arms. For they were good dreams, pure desires and righteous hopes.

Graveside, I lament what should have been; I grieve the people we chose not to be; I deplore being fooled. I bemoan the promises broken and the ones never meant from the beginning. I linger here until there is no grief left in me…only thankfulness. For they were good dreams, pure desires and righteous hopes and I was thankful for them once.

Though laid to rest now, I know I will see traces of these dreams again: In their eyes, when they miss you. In their voices, when they cry for you. In their efforts to capture your attention. So, though they had to die to me, I pray they live on, in some form FOR THEM…for they were good dreams, pure desires and righteous hopes.

I leave here different than I arrived.

My heart is one more process closer to whole.

My grip is tighter on the Hand that leads me.

Thankfulness is lighter to bear than grief.

I am more free than I was yesterday.

Perspective

I heard a sermon the other day preached at a youth conference in 2008. The man talked about Genesis 15 when God comes to Abram and says "Here I am, your great reward!" to which Abram, weary from waiting for the fulfillment of the promise God had made to him, says basically, "That's nice but what about the son You promised?? LOOK, You've given me no children!"

The preacher empahsized some valid points about Abram's nerve to say to GOD ALMIGHTY who sees EVERYTHING, "LOOK" as if He missed it somehow.
As I read the story for myself, I took something else from it...

God's response was one of kindness and compassion. He was in no way offended by Abram's response. He knows the waiting is hard sometimes. He can handle our questions! ALL of them! I have just found that it's key to ask HIM and not everyone else. :)
When we talk to Him about the things that are weighing on us we give Him the opportunity to raise our line of sight as He did with Abram. The story reads that Abram is speaking to God from inside his tent. My guess is that though Abram was moving and increasing and gaining land and cattle and material treasures that it carried a certain sting because all he could see was that he had no son to pass it on to.

Ever been there??
Surrounded by God's goodness and blessings but so focused on the one thing we don't have that we can't enjoy all we DO have?? I know I have!

But God listens to him. He is patient until he is done telling God how things are from where he is and what he can see at the moment. God visits him, just sits with him for a few minutes.

Doesn't He just change EVERYTHING?!?! :)

God then takes him outside the tent and tells him to look up at the stars and count them...if he can. He has a beautiful way with each of us. He knows just what will lift our eyes above the circumstances to the place He is always calling us to.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!"

My sister talks about ALOHA during her concerts sometimes. Through her, I learned that ALOHA means breath and specifically to share breath from the same spirit. She said that in Hawaii the people will sometimes put their foreheads together and breathe the word ALOHA into the face of the friend or family member they are greeting.
Ever since I heard that story, when I feel like my perspective is sinking, I have made a habit of closing my eyes and picturing Jesus holding my face in His hands. He pulls my forehead to His, our eyes are locked on each others. There are no words, just breaths...long, deep breaths as I allow Him to remind me that I BELIEVE!
and for that moment, that's all I need to do!

It NEVER fails to change my whole perspective!

Tornado ~ Sara Groves

Sara Groves - Tornado

You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see

And every time I find healing,
you`re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say
I won`t look back
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me

And every time I find healing,
you`re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.

But it gets so hard
And every time I find healing
you`re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address,
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness.

~~~
We CANNOT control the actions of others. We can only choose for ourselves how we will respond. Will you live the rest of your life, making others pay for the hurtful actions of someone else? You don't HAVE to. Just sayin'.

Less Like Scars

Sara Groves ~ Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful

It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful

It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing

Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful

It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like character

The Ocean's Edge

Here, at the water's edge
I leave the remains of us.

Here, where surf meets shore
I drop the heavy load.

Here, where the marriage began
I leave the end.

So, let the tide come in - strong and steady -
and carry it away.

Leave only the beauty and well-being of our children
wash all the pain away.

Can I stay till the grief is gone
so I don't ever have to return?

Strange, the thing that intimidates me most - the power of the sea -
be the thing I must depend on to wash over me;

To carry off and leave what it will
I stand emptied; waiting for You to fill.

Lindbergh Quote

It isn't the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long, uphill climb back to sanity, faith and security.